My Death: The Recluse From Love

Another disillusioned day has past,
how long will this last?
I think soon, the devil has a new task,
he will control me and make me blast
I'll shoot myself with my gun,
with my face towards the sun
this voice inside telling me I'll never have a son
and the only thing I wanna do is run
run away from the pain‎
but its bound with me like a chain,‎
my life is similar like the rain
so many tears that I've  shed,‎
I wanna sleep and never get of my bed
cuz I don't want to feel sad.

Oh I wished someone would come;

Come and make me glad

but no. 

There is just more pain instead,

pain from dreaming, seeing you in places;

Places my heart envisioned you never knew you would put others, no one but me..‎

Save it for another day

I'm dead for now

Believe me.

The more I love

The more I hate

And cringe inside

My writhing need

To fill myself

With love.

Love me back so I can hate

My own deceit

And settle for my petty explanation.‎

My dreams vanishing in thin air‎

I'm slipping away and I don't care
oh God this isn't fair

My eyes closing, feeling the wind in my hair
my heart deserves better, 

this I tell myself; though‎

I'll never get what I deserve
cuz god you cant change,

what you wrote in that letter.‎

The last image in my head
is when I saw her and turned red
I will always love her
now I'm falling on the floor
hoping the lord guides me to heavens door
I hope you won't keep me lying on the floor
here I come lord your angel, don't close the door!

This one very beautiful thing, led to my death.. 

For I died in her loving embrace, and the powder 

Of a Bullet..

In perfect accordance.  

- Jae